If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Happy?

Or: “What is the Deal with Miserable Know-It-Alls?”

Economists have long scoffed at know-it-all business and financial gurus with the rhetorical question, “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?” And sometimes the gurus use the same question to scoff at know-it-all economists.

The standard answer, which I’ve occasionally used myself is: “I’m claiming that society is dysfunctional, not that there’s a viable get-rich-quick scheme lying on the sidewalk.” Open borders, for example, holds immense economic promise, but to activate it, you have to persuade a country — or at least a government — that open borders is a good idea. And both persuasive efforts are, alas, exercises in futility.

On further thought, however, there are also plenty of unilaterally feasible ways to get rich that most of us leave lying on the sidewalk nonetheless. Such as? Work much longer hours. Work on weekends. Take second (and third) jobs. Take the highest-paid job, regardless of your quality of life. Easiest of all: Live way below your means — and invest the money you save. Seriously, have you ever considered how little money you actually need to keep earning money?

The obvious response to these tactics, of course, is: “It’s not too smart to live in toil and poverty in order to maximize net worth.” A fine objection, but it highlights a much-neglected opportunity to scoff at know-it-alls. Rather than ask, “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?,” we should be asking, “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?”

It’s a searing question. “I’m not rich because the sacrifice is too great” makes far more sense than “I’m not happy because the sacrifice is too great.” More strikingly, few of the likely targets of “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?” are actually poor. Yet many of the likely targets of “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?” are genuinely miserable. From what I’ve seen, the world is full of miserable know-it-alls. I know quite a few personally — and I suspect that you do, too.

“If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?” How would you even begin to answer this challenge? It’s tempting to stonewall with: “I have horrible problems.” But the obvious reply is: “If you’re so smart, why haven’t you solved these problems? Why didn’t you foresee these problems and avoid them in the first place?”

After all, smart people are good at solving, foreseeing, and avoiding problems. Almost by definition.

To salvage the spirit of the “I have horrible problems” response, you’ve got to switch to: “I’m extremely unlucky.” Even though you’re really smart, the problems that afflict you aren’t just horrible. They’re also horribly unsolvable, horribly unforeseeable, and/or horribly unavoidable. While this isn’t impossible, it’s rarely plausible. A few miserable know-it-alls are genuinely cursed, but most?! The implausibility is especially pronounced when the allegedly unlucky are objectively fortunate, blessed with youth, physical health, and good personal and career opportunities.

How else can one answer the “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?” challenge? The other leading candidates:

1. “I prioritize the happiness of others.” The more people you care about, the harder it is to keep them all happy without ruining your own life. A fanatical Effective Altruist might maximize wealth at the expense of happiness because he is “earning to give.” Which predictably immiserates the giver. Less fancifully, a parent might remain in an unhappy marriage “for the sake of the children.” You can be painfully aware that you’d be happier with another partner, while knowing — and caring — that your kids would experience divorce very differently.

2. “The world is so awful that you have to be stupid to be happy.” About a thousand murders happen on Earth every day. Millions of children go hungry. If you take animal welfare seriously, factory farming is morally worse than the Holocaust. And that pales before the suffering of trillions of insects. Sure, feeling miserable does little or nothing to improve the awful state of the world. But how can any decent person remain happy once they know the truth?

#1 is the best overall response. But extreme Effective Altruism is vanishingly rare, and most miserable know-it-alls are plainly not sacrificing their happiness to help anyone they personally know. Indeed, spreading misery is one of the main activities of miserable know-it-alls!

#2, though emotionally gripping, is also a weak response. In the modern world, the average human is doing amazingly well. Total human suffering remains high not because the world is bad, but because it is big. Granted, you can’t say the same about animal suffering, much less bug suffering. But as I’ve repeatedly argued, it is absurd to think that the welfare of non-human animals is very morally important.

What’s the point of asking miserable know-it-alls, “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?” Won’t it just make them even more miserable? Even if that were so, you might still ask the question simply to advance the cause of literal truth, or to encourage the miserable know-it-alls to quiet down and stop spreading their misery. That said, I maintain that asking “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?” is a deeply constructive question to ask miserable know-it-alls for their own benefit.

Just phrase it like so:

Yes, perhaps you are suffering despite your brilliance because you are extraordinarily unlucky. But the far more likely scenario is that you are suffering due to your own foolish pride. For all your self-confidence, you don’t know how to make yourself happy. And that’s okay, because quite a few other people do know — or at least know a lot better than you do. So swallow your intellectual pride, stop pointlessly arguing, and start fruitfully listening. You probably won’t feel better right away. You’ve got to baby step to success. But face it, your way has failed. Verily, if you’re so smart, why aren’t you happy?

P.S. Dedicated to my favorite miserable know-it-all. I love you and want the best for you!