Recently Bari Weiss included me on a panel of parenting experts for her Honestly podcast. The other guests were Michaeleen Doucleff, author of Hunt, Gather, Parent, and Carla Naumburg, author of How to Stop Losing Your Shit with Your Kids, the forthcoming
This "reliably enforced clear-cut rules" thing may work for others but not for me and it really rubs me the wrong way that parents should act as some kind of machine. I have no idea about the evidence for this but it would surprise me if it turned out kids couldn´t handle parents having emotions like everyone else they meet.
I need to reserve for myself the right to decide based on my own (and the kid´s) mood and energy level whether, for example, to insist that the kids eat with us at the table or to avoid the fight and let them eat in front of the TV. And not giving in to nagging is a separate thing from having consistent rules that don´t take parents into account. I personally have an easier time keeping calm in the face of nagging than while litigating my kid's creative interpretations of house rules. There are no set of rules that are easier to understand than "parents decide".
You made some good points in the podcast but you’re obviously incredibly arrogant. The fact you don’t understand your parents for yelling at you? I’d love to ask your partner how much time you actually spent raising your children. I love my kids and they are my greatest joy, but they sure do piss me off sometimes! You come across incredibly emotionless in this podcast, and very unsympathetic to parents very human emotions like anger, disappointment and annoyance. You must be a saint!
Would a concise way to put it be, most of your effects on your children are specific and short term.
Also I think you are not assessing spanking well. Spanking gets punishment over quick getting the family back to normal. No suffering together not watching TV, no watching the child to make sure he does not break the ban. You should do it only when when calm and yourself thinking logically and under control. If you do it well your children, if they are typical, will love you for it.
Sorry for nitpicking a good point, but it bothers me a bit that you refer to "good English", as if keeping concepts distinct (avoiding "no true Scotsman" thinking) is a matter of a particular language's syntax, or would depend on how much of a linguistic prescriptivist one was.
I have heard the parental irrelevantism claim from many social scientists. But the same people then argue that kids brought up with two parents, books in the house, and an environment of intellectual stimulation have a considerable head start over their less privileged their peers. What gives?
This "reliably enforced clear-cut rules" thing may work for others but not for me and it really rubs me the wrong way that parents should act as some kind of machine. I have no idea about the evidence for this but it would surprise me if it turned out kids couldn´t handle parents having emotions like everyone else they meet.
I need to reserve for myself the right to decide based on my own (and the kid´s) mood and energy level whether, for example, to insist that the kids eat with us at the table or to avoid the fight and let them eat in front of the TV. And not giving in to nagging is a separate thing from having consistent rules that don´t take parents into account. I personally have an easier time keeping calm in the face of nagging than while litigating my kid's creative interpretations of house rules. There are no set of rules that are easier to understand than "parents decide".
You made some good points in the podcast but you’re obviously incredibly arrogant. The fact you don’t understand your parents for yelling at you? I’d love to ask your partner how much time you actually spent raising your children. I love my kids and they are my greatest joy, but they sure do piss me off sometimes! You come across incredibly emotionless in this podcast, and very unsympathetic to parents very human emotions like anger, disappointment and annoyance. You must be a saint!
Bryan, I like your style of "winning over in the debate" than just winning the debate. Keep on the good work :)
Would a concise way to put it be, most of your effects on your children are specific and short term.
Also I think you are not assessing spanking well. Spanking gets punishment over quick getting the family back to normal. No suffering together not watching TV, no watching the child to make sure he does not break the ban. You should do it only when when calm and yourself thinking logically and under control. If you do it well your children, if they are typical, will love you for it.
Sorry for nitpicking a good point, but it bothers me a bit that you refer to "good English", as if keeping concepts distinct (avoiding "no true Scotsman" thinking) is a matter of a particular language's syntax, or would depend on how much of a linguistic prescriptivist one was.
I have heard the parental irrelevantism claim from many social scientists. But the same people then argue that kids brought up with two parents, books in the house, and an environment of intellectual stimulation have a considerable head start over their less privileged their peers. What gives?
Did you mean to write “still HIGH in absolute terms”?