Hand-Holding Explained

An anonymous guest posts

Today I’m sharing an especially heartfelt message from an anonymous reader, reacting to my thoughts on asking to hold hands.

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I wanted to share some thoughts on your “ask to hold hands” advice because it connects to a lot of things I have lived through: shyness, anxiety, divorce, overthinking, and the long process of healing and rebuilding myself.

When I re entered the dating world after my divorce, I had no confidence at all. I would go on dates, have great conversations, sense some chemistry, and then completely freeze.

I kept everything neutral to avoid misreading anything, and then I would go home and replay every moment in my head for days. If I had simply asked, “Would you like to hold hands” things would have been so much clearer.

As others have said a yes would mean we were aligned. A no would save me from a week or even months of overthinking. Your advice would have saved me from so much emotional exhaustion.

There is also something personal behind why I freeze up now. I had forgotten how I dated when I was a teenager and young adult.

When I got married, there was this real feeling of relief, like “thank God I never have to date again.” I shut off that part of myself because I thought I was done with it forever. And because my marriage was far from peaceful, being single now actually feels calm. But that calm also makes initiation feel foreign. And when I first tried dating after the divorce, it honestly felt like I was betraying myself.

I had devoted everything to being loyal to my ex wife, and even though the divorce was finalized, part of me still felt like I was breaking a promise. When you mix all of that together, it is no wonder I hesitate or freeze. I had been relearning something I never thought I would have to do again.

There is also the emotional weight behind hand holding. It is intimate without being sexual. It is gentle.

For many of us, the first time we felt that gesture was from a parent protecting and guiding us. It carries a built in sense of safety. If you are shy, anxious, or still healing, that makes it the exact kind of step that feels safe enough to take.

This is why your advice is so important for neurodivergent men and very analytical men. A lot of us live in our heads and process the world literally.

We struggle with subtle cues, micro expressions, or gradual escalation. So when people tell us “just read her body language” it feels like being handed instructions in a language we do not speak.

Then add the MeToo era, where many men are terrified of crossing boundaries or making someone uncomfortable. Add social media, where expectations feel unreachable and comparison kills confidence. It makes sense that a lot of young men quietly withdraw from dating. Not because they do not care, but because they feel lost.

Your advice cuts straight through that because it is clear, respectful, and consent seeking.

“Can I hold your hand”

It is direct. It is safe. It is honest. It is low pressure. And it fits perfectly with the voluntary interaction and respect for autonomy that young libertarians already believe in.

It gives us a simple way to express interest without guessing or risking crossing a boundary.

There is also a real healing angle to this. A lot of young men in the liberty movement are rebuilding themselves after rejection, painful relationships, complicated childhoods, or feeling unseen. Taking one small, honest step like this can be the first moment where they feel confident again. It is a way to act without betraying the fragile sense of self they are trying to rebuild.

During our call, when we talked about being likable, you were clearly pointing toward many of these themes. But I feel the hand holding advice feels like the missing connection point.

A lot of young libertarians have the ideas and the intellect, but no one teaches them the simple, human pieces of connection. And honestly, sometimes I think young libertarian men need this guidance just as much as they need guidance on persuasion or writing. Because whether we like it or not, people judge us socially before they judge our ideas. They take us more seriously when we seem grounded, confident, and able to handle real human moments with clarity and respect.

That is why your advice hit me so deeply. It is practical, it is ethical, it is consent centered, and it is simple enough for someone who is shy, anxious, neurodivergent, or healing to actually try. And for a lot of young men today, it might be their first step back into genuine connection.

Thanks again for the talk and for sharing this idea. I really believe it could help a lot of young men, in ways far beyond dating. Looking forward to that free lunch some day!